Shuffle
by J. Hicks
Summary: It's the ever popular put your Ipod on shuffle and write with the song!
1. It is what it is

Disclaimer: I don't own House M.D. Let's face it, a lot of us wish we did, I know I do but I don't. It would be awesome if I did though so if they ever want to give it away I would be more than willing to take it.

Pairing: H/W

Timeline: Set beginning S5

A/N: Ok so apparently EVERYONE has one of these where you hit shuffle on your ipod and write drabbles using the songs…so here's mine. This one uses most of the song in bits and pieces. The POV switches back and forth between House and Wilson, but it should be fairly easy to tell the who is who.

1. It is what it is-Lifehouse.

_I was only looking for a shortcut home._

_But it's complicated, so complicated. _

_Somewhere in this city is a road I know, _

_Where we could make it,_

_but maybe there's no making it now._

Amber seemed like the perfect person for me; she was everything I could have asked for.

"You're dating me." He had no idea how close to the truth his statement was. Amber had so many House like qualities, it was as if I had found a clone of him with just one major difference. She was female.

With Amber I didn't have to explain to my relatives and friends that I was not the straight laced person they always believed me to be. I in fact wasn't perfect. She made it so easy, it was like dating House, but in a respectable form.

No one would understand if I told them the truth, that life is more complicated than that, and that not everything comes in black and white. That I was still the same person; I just happened to be irrevocably in love with my MALE best friend. She made that easy, as horrible as it sounds Amber was the way for me to have the man I loved, and still stay the good son, the perfect department head, the moral compass.

Then she died, and there went my hopes of being happily in love, in a relationship that I would never feel the need to stray from. At least my hopes of having that and having my perfect façade stay in place died with her. Don't get me wrong, I loved Amber, even more than I loved any of my wives, probably more than all of them put together. I just loved her for the wrong reasons.

_Nothing left to relive _

_It's water under the bridge_

_You said it I get it_

_I guess it is what it is_

"No we aren't friends anymore House. I don't think we ever really were." My heart broke as you said that to me. Our friendship means everything to me. You mean everything to me. Over all the years we have been friends I have managed to keep the feelings I had for you hidden, carefully obscured in thinly veiled joke flirting and cracks about both of our sexualities. I would have done anything for you, risked my life with the DBS; tried everything to try and save Cuthroat Bitch, just to make you happy. I loved you enough to let you go, to be with her. Even as I fought for time to spend with you I had let go. I can't let you go now though, not after that.

_I was only trying to bury the pain_

_But I made you cry, and I can't stop the crying_

_Was only trying to save me_

_but I lost you again _

_Now there's only lying _

_Wish I could say it's only me_

Like a coward I ran away. Amber dying was too close to home, she was too much like you. I may have loved her, but I love you more. Her death made it hit too close to home that you could die. I only asked you to do the DBS because then maybe she would live, if she could make it through all this then nothing would be able to stop you either. When I realized the ramifications of what you agreed to I realized that I could have lost you both in far too short of a time.

As long as I got away from you I couldn't be hurt by your death when it came. You get shot in your office, held hostage for a diagnosis, stuck a knife in an electrical outlet and ride a motorcycle. Sometimes it seems as if the grim reaper is your constant companion, always lurking just barely out of sight, waiting and teasing.

So when you come to me I tell you I don't miss you, that I'm moving on with my life. I know that you're telling everyone that you are fine too. Though from the look on your face as I shove you out my door and supposedly out of my life I know I'm not the only one that is lying to myself and the world. You're not nearly as hard to read as people like to believe.

_Here it comes, ready or not_

_We both found out it's not _

_how we thought, that it would be_

_If the time could turn us around _

_What once was lost may be found_

_For you and me, for you and me_

I wake up in the seat of a familiar car, surrounded by a very familiar smell. I must still be dreaming. I open my eyes and look to the side and see Wilson. The pain in my leg and the glower on his face are proof enough that I'm not still dreaming after all.

When I notice the cop behind us I know that it's probably my last shot. So I take my chance at reminding you of the past.


	2. Blue eyes blue

A/N: This one uses a chunk of the song and that's it.

Blue Eyes Blue-Union of Sound

_I thought that you'd be loving me_

_I thought that you'd were the one who_

_That stayed forever. __But now _

_Forever's come and gone_

_It was you, it was you _

_Who made my blue eyes blue._

I trusted you, and I don't trust many people. I thought you would love me forever, I believed you when you told me that I was different from everyone else you had been with. It's my own fault, I should have known better.

At first I was completely devastated; then denial hit me like a freight train. I made excuse after excuse for you myself. I had my head buried so far in the sand I never would have had to see the light of day again, if only you weren't so bad at cheating.

I ignored all the signs, even as you spent less time at home on the couch with me and more and more with him. More and more evenings spent alone, longer and longer you were gone each time. I pretended it wasn't japanning as long as I could.

Up until you came home drunk one night and forgot about the marks all over your chest, marks I knew didn't come from me. After that can you blame me for finding another man for myself?

Enjoy your life with him, I still love you enough to wish happiness for you.

*********

"You told her?" he asks with obvious contempt when he swings open the door.

"She told me." I respond, and with that he just swings the door open wider and turns to limp back to his seat.

"How did she figure it out?"

"Apparently you left marks last time." I tell him, knowing that he did it on purpose.

"Oops sorry about that." I can tell by his tone that he would and will do it again and again as often as necessary for me to understand that I am his.

"No you're not." I say with a small affectionate smile as I take my place besides him on the couch.

It is in this moment that I realize that I don't care that he does this to me every time. I'll let him do it again and again every time, just like I always have. Maybe one day I'll have the courage to tell the world that it's his blue eyes that fill my dreams.


	3. Mirror

A/N: This one simply uses the song title. Oh and it has one tiny swear in it.

Summary: Someone watches House and Wilson.

Mirror

I've watched them today as I have watched them for years. I have often wondered what made him special, so much better for you than me.

Today I realize how more than ever watching the two of you together is like looking at someone looking in a mirror. Almost everything is exactly opposite of the other.

One of you is a workaholic and the other avoids actual work as if it would kill you. One is calm, polite and friendly. Your counterpart is high strung, sarcastic, and bastardly.

Short light brown hair that is beginning to thin and grey meets its' match in a full head of thick dark brown. While both of you are tall men one is lanky and the other is on the broader side.

If I tell a joke that both of you find funny one of you will laugh out loud and smile broadly because you show everything with your overly expressive face. Your best friend might let out a slight chuckle, repressing anything else behind the mask his face has become.

Blue eyes meet brown as the two of you share a conversation as you walk by me, oblivious to everything but the man mirroring your actions. Even the way the two of you walk has become a mirror. One steps forward with the left foot, the other the right. One right shoulder dips forward, the other the left making it so that your shoulders brush on every step.

You are best friends, a perfect mirror image, and so much more, I understand that now. Everything before has brought the two of you to this moment, everyone should be so lucky.


End file.
